Update..... ish

It has been a long while since i have felt up to posting anything here..... that and finding a working camera (or scanner) has become increasingly difficult and more and more of my work is the type that needs such documentation methods.  But i have been kinda keeping up with other's updates, i look through all the visual art on a regular basis but i haven't been able to set aside time to do some reading in a while (well, non-class reading)

So.... classes this quarter are hell, i am taking research writing (..again) which takes up most of my time and holds very little interest.  I am taking Contemporary Japanese Society, which is a lot of work, but at least it is interesting.  And i am taking painting, and that class is truly amazing, it is taught by my favorite professor and the atmosphere is very free-flowing and it is impossible to do anything wrong, it is wonderful.  

That being said i will have some paintings to upload.... as well as some drawings from a class i took a few quarters ago.... i just need to find time to borrow my dad's camera... or bribe my sister to photograph them.



The next bit of update is rather earth-changing to me, though i realize to anyone who has been following what i say here it will seem rather in line with everything else.  i have begun seriously questioning my gender in all aspects of my life.  i have always tended to play it rather close to the vest as to what my biological gender is online but now i see that that is because it isn't really me.  So, here goes, physically i am female... well i'm not female, i'm me.... but my body bits are what is generally described as female, i have breasts (unfortunately) and my genitalia is on the inside instead of outside.  i am fascinated by androgyny (as per usual), and gay men (also as per usual) but i am feeling more that that is due to me identifying instead of just attraction.  i have started looking into binding my chest, which turns out to be incredibly hard to do in a healthy way as a broke college student, i am wearing more and more ties and button down shirts, i am in the process of getting rid of all of the "feminine" clothing that i owned.  It is a process of transformation... and i really don't know where the end point is which really freaks me out....

but on a more practical note, i have become hypersensitive to gendered speech (pronouns, daughter/son, etc) and i have found that there are some things that i really don't like being called.... and all of this may change, this is just at the current moment in time.  All of this information is also personal to me, and only applies to what i like to be called, it doesn't apply to other people.
Hate: woman, girl, my full birth name
dislike (but is ok with): daughter, she, her, man (oddly enough), The most common version of my birth name (i prefer to keep my legal name off the internet, thanks)
Meh: ze, hir, pur, boi (these are all still a bit foreign to me)
likes: son, he, his, Oliver, Matt
Loves: boy, Raven, Nicknames that are personal between me and the person calling me that

So i hope that makes sense.... feel free to ask questions, and i really hope to get some of my paintings up, i am loving them.